What do I want?

Why am I always restless with myself? Even in great silence, there is something always going on! What does true silence feel like?

There is someone in me who is always watching the other me. The one does not speak much.

He does not argue, does not demand and does not chase anything. He already knows that I exists. He simply observes.

And there is the other me.

The one who wants to prove that he exists to the peope, to the world and sometimes even to hiself.

This second one wants name, fame, role and achievement. He wants to be recognized, remembered and validated. He wants his existance to leave some evidence behind. Everything that he desires are ever changing and can never fullfill him.

For a long time, I thought these two were in conflict, but slowly it is clear that the observer is unchanging and is in true silence and fulfilled. The restlessness that I feel does not belong to him rather to the one who wants to become something.

The true I, is whole as if nothing is missing. The false I, is always trying to prove himself and will always be restless because he is chasing things which never stay the same.

And perhaps I don't need to choose between these two rather, the real peace is in noticing who is quietly watching the restless one and and smile at him 🙂.